No one said this was easy.

Yesterday was a day of mixed challenges and filled with parental successes and milestones…

Last night Wilson was sent to bed without his dinner. 

I realize that he is three and that to some this might sound a tad extreme? Well, it really wasn’t it was a natural consequence as a result of a series of choices that he had made. With all of that being said, I still felt bad when I tucked him to bed and gave him kisses knowing that he hadn’t eaten his dinner.  It didn’t help that Chris told me he was going to sneak him some food. (He was only teasing me, thank goodness… For Chris’ sake.)

Our evening began with Wilson hitting Buckeye.

When he hits the dogs he is sent to his room and is not permitted to leave his room until he has chosen two toys to give up. These toys are gone forever and his choice to lose.  He usually gets creative with this, trying to give me a broken toy or a toy that is really Nora’s but in the end he must chose a toy that is not broken and is his. His choice is non-negotiable, meaning that he cannot change his mind after he gives me the toy. Sometimes I wish he would chose different toys as the toy was a gift or more expensive but I have to stick with the rule too. 

Last night, Wilson played in his room for about an hour. That is fine with me. He knows the rules and must be able to live with the consequence however dinner was fast approaching.

Nora and I had our dinner. Wilson stayed in his room.

Then it was time for me to clean up. So I walked into his room and calmly told him that I would be cleaning up from dinner. I set the timer for him and told him that his diner would be in a bowl by the stove and that if he wanted it he needed to make his choice on which two toys to give me before the timer went off. If he didn’t his diner would be put away. There was some whining, but I reminded him everything was a result of his choices.

He soon made his choice: A lizard and a rubix cube.  The lizard was much harder for him to part with as he handed it to me while crying. 

Then he went to get his bowl…

“I WANTED GREENNnnn!!” I hear coming from the kitchen.

 I respond calmly, but at this point I am ready to freaking scream, stating that if he would have been ready for his dinner when I was fixing it he could have chosen the color of the bowl. 

THEN… 

Then he looks in. the. bowl…

“PASTA!! I wanted HOT DOGss!!”

I had given him the choice of pasta or hot dogs but he never told me what he wanted so I chose healthier. It should also be noted that I called his father for some dinner input too but he never called me back and when he got home from work said the same thing about the pasta! “You made PASTA… I was hoping for hotdogs.”

Are you kidding me?! Now I am really ready to scream!!

Needless to say, I told Wilson that pasta was what we had for dinner and that it was what he could eat. He also had the option to eat some fruit but that soon he needed to get ready for bed. Then I walked up the stairs to give Nora a bath and get her ready for bed.

About 30 minutes, or so, later I came down stairs and he hadn’t eaten. 

It was time for bed. 

So I told him to get his underjams (they are kinda like pull ups) and pjs on and brush his teeth.

This resulted in a dramatic display of crying that was magnified because he was hungry AND tired.

At this point, I thought of giving him food, but I didn’t! I told him to “H.A.L.T.” and asked if he was hungry. angry. lonely. or tired. He took a deep breath and said that he was hungry and sad. 

I smiled internally.

Progress.

By this point, it is almost nine, Wilson is calm and Chris is just walking through the door. 

With the arrival of his Daddy, Wilson started to cry again but I calmed him down and told him I would be back to tuck him in…

I went to find Chris and explained to him how our evening had gone. Then I walked back into Wilson’s room.

He was in his bed with his pjs on. I almost cried at how sweet and innocent he looked. I sat beside him and asked if he heard me talking with daddy. He said, “yes”. I asked if he heard what a great kid he is (we make it a point to talk about how great with think he is and how he will grow to do wonderful things when he is in ear shot) and he said, "yes". Then I asked him what he would do differently next time. He said, “eat the pasta.” 

Some more progress. I guess he forgot that hitting the dog is what started the whole thing... Still progress, none-the-less. 

I ended up lying beside him until he went asleep. I told him how much I loved him and that I may not always like his choices but I will ALWAYS, always, love him. No. matter. what. 

He said he loved me to the moon and back, cried, told me he was sorry, and hugged me tightly. 

He is such a bright and loving child.

This morning Wilson woke up changed out of his sleep clothes into real clothes and made his bed BEFORE coming into my room. This is a first!! 

More progress. 

Maybe my hard work is paying off?

At least we are starting off on the right side of the bed.

** I should note that taking away toys from a child may not always work, but for Wilson it seems to. It may not work forever but for now... it does. We will more than likely be modifying this strategy for the next 18 years. I only hope the our choices (as his parents) have a lasting/positive effect on him and that they will teach him that his actions have consequences. That the consequences effect him (and sometimes others) and that he thinks about what he is doing before he does it. I also hope that he learns that anger (although sometimes it is unavoidable) is not the best way to deal with problems.