Last night Wilson was a handful. I was on the phone with Rob (my BIL) and he (Wilson, not Rob)was fussy, fussy, fussy. I now realize that he was fussy for a variety of reasons: dinner was later than usual, he was sick (which I didn't really know last night), and he missed his Daddy.
I couldn't help the dinner time. I needed to walk to dogs before it got too dark and with the final debate (thank you Jesus) starting at 6 we needed to go on our walk before dinner and not afterwards. Wilson didn't really eat. He actually wasn't even interested in his food.
During the debate, Wilson was as happy as he could be. His fussiness left and his cheery little self returned. When he saw Obama on the TV he said "Omama" and clapped with glee. (He clapped for McCain too. So all you McCain people (are you sure??) may find comfort in knowing that I am not brain washing him... yet... only kidding.)
After the debate, we began our bedtime ritual:
bath
naked house run
diaper
PJs
books
milk
let dogs out
floss teeth
brush teeth
let dogs in
tell everyone night
During our night ritual, after Wilson kisses Chris' picture and turns off the hall light, Jake lays down on his dog bed and Wilson gives him a pat. Wilson then climbs in bed, and asks me to lay down for a song. "Momma. Baa Baa." he says while patting the bed. He then grabs Polar Bear and we sing a song. I turn on his turtle night light. He gives me a wet "MMmmaw" (AKA kiss). I say goodnight and close his door. That is our routine and RARELY does he complain.
Last night, he was different. He kept wanting to get out of bed. He got up a couple times and I redirected him back to his bed but he insisted on getting out. I couldn't figure it out. He wasn't crying. He was just determined to get down. "Dowww" he would say while pointing to the door. I had no idea what he wanted so I finally decided to let him show me. (The worst thing that could happen was I would have to tell him it wasn't time to play. Maybe he was just thirsty...) He got out of bed (with Polar Bear), walked to the hall, sat down, pointed up to Chris' picture and said "Daddy".
ugh. heart breaking. I began to cry hysterically!! I pulled myself together before he noticed that I was loosing it and went on a mission to find a picture. I found one of Wilson and Chris grabbed the scotch tape and taped it on the wall right beside Wilson's bed. Wilson then climbed into bed, touched Chris' picture and said Daddy. Then he touched me and said Momma. The touching and labeling went back and forth a few times until he laid down. He was now ready to complete our ritual. He wrapped Polar Bear in his arms, smiled, and gave me a "Mmmaw". I then said goodnight and closed the door.
I melted on the other side of the door and walked swiftly to the computer. The Internet was an attempt to numb my brain and it worked, for at least 2 hours. Then, I was no longer missing my husband and wanting school to be over. I was beating myself up over the fact that I was at the computer for over 2 HOURS and not working on anything I should be (e.g. school stuff, photo editing, photo book making, Christmas shopping). I headed to bed, cracked open my book, and the crying began.
He didn't eat dinner. He didn't want dinner... Shit! These were the thoughts in my head. I knew Wilson was sick. I went into his room to check on him and he felt warm. Not feverish, but warm. He sounded terrible. I gave him Tylenol and hoped for the best. One hour later, the cries returned. I brought him into bed and for the rest of the night I was thrashed and kicked by little clammy hands and feet. He didn't wake, but continued to cry short bursts of ah whahhh though-out the night.
Today was challenging. The only time Wilson wasn't crying or fussing was when we went to Pet Smart for dog food. (I swear Pet Smart is a God send. It's like a zoo, only free.) Tonight was better. Thank Goodness! For dinner we went to Wendy's because Wilson hadn't eaten anything all day and I knew he wouldn't turn down a hamburger. Plus, (the real reason) I love Wendy's and didn't have the patience to fix dinner with a child screaming. He ate all his hamburger (no bun) and had a few oranges. We went to ShopKo to kill some time then came home and started our bedtime ritual:
bath (talked to Daddy on the phone)
naked house run
diaper
PJs
books
milk
let dogs out
floss teeth
brush teeth
let dogs in
tell everyone night
The ritual went as usual, no interrupts resulting in mental break downs or mind numbing activities, it was filled with smiles, wet MMmmaws, overwhelming love, happiness, and a since of peace. We are where we are supposed to be and where we have chosen to be. Good times and bad times it is up to us to make the best of it. Tonight, like many other nights, I am reminded that we chose to learn and grow from our experiences. Remembering this, for me, is empowering.
Tomorrow we are going to the doctor cause Wilson sounds pretty wheezy when he breathes. I'm sure he's fine, the doctor just wants to listen to his lungs.
6 comments:
Oh, I'm sorry that you are both missing Chris so much. You are all so strong for being willing to go through this for your future.
I did have to laugh at you getting your vote Obama plug in there. The closer it gets to the election the more concerned I get about the possibility of McCain winning.
Oh man. I want to cry for you too! That was so sweet that Wilson was labeling Momma and Daddy...very touching!
You are doing an AWESOME job with everything you are balancing. I am, and have always been, in awe of everything you accomplish!!
Go Obama!
Thanks girls, It's always good to know you have good friends who are there to listen and support you. You guys help me be strong. In fact, I can confidently say that watching how strong and independent you both are (in life and your views) is one of the things that have inspired me to look at life the way I do. So don't give me all the credit.
Omama 08!
Jame, I agree with Katie. I am impressed that you are doing as much as you are and it will pay off in the end. You're almost done. Don't give up now.
And it's obvious none of you are business owners. Obama's policies scare the crap out of me! (but I will still be your friend even if you vote for the wrong guy)
Lola,
I am not going to give up so don't you worry. I’m just getting tired of it, that's all.
I believe, with every fiber in my body, that he is not the wrong guy. I respect your opinion. But I have researched religiously, over the past 3-4 months, on both candidates (I even read both parties blogs) and I feel confident in my decision.
I feel that McCain is blinded by ambition and is not putting his country first. The first example of this is Palin. She is a woman who is talented, but is in NO WAY ready to be the next in line to the white house. I have stronger opinions regarding her, but will hold my tongue out of my love for you and Wes. I do love you and it is actually you two that have encouraged me to try and learn more about McCain's policies. So, regardless of your vote, I should thank you for inspiring me to become more educated on these issues and for being friends who continue to keep me balanced.
Go Obama!!!!!!!!
If I were a business owner, which my parents and in-laws are, (OBAMA SUPPORTERS AS WELL) and I cleared after all my deductions and expenses, 250K,then I would feel obligated to pay more taxes. But since very few people fall into that category less than 5%, it is best for the rich to pitch in a little more for those that are suffering. Now that’s PATRIOT!!
BTW,If we were never fighting in Iraq looking for WMD then we would not need to raise anyone’s' taxes to pay for this endless war that has made us indebted to CHINA!!!
Kari
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